perspective gains introspect

a new perspective. That's what traveling is all about, seeing and learning. But I have discovered that these perspectives become significant when its channeled into introspection.

So far my year in Korea has helped me to grow up, a lot. Its helped me to know what I want out of life, and how to achieve it.

I stopped writing blogs and wrote more in my sketchbook. For a while I was feeling really out of place in Korea. I felt like I failed to make significant connections. That I'd failed to make positive changes. And I wasn't even enjoying myself.

My thoughts were about why I came to Korea. And what I was trying to escape from in the states. I wanted to get away from the modernized society, with its money driven people who are ignorant to the sufferings of the world. People who care more about pop culture than their own families. People who are so wrapped up in these sitcom fantasy worlds, they don't have their own values, dreams and goals. I left because I wanted to be knowledgeable and make a difference in the real world.

This is what I wrote down in my sketchbook on March 8th...

" Who doesn't live in a superficial reality? A fantasy world?

Every life in all global situations that I can imagine are removed from the realities of the world. Maybe the one who suffers the most. People who are starving and homeless. Maybe they would know the harshest realities of the world. But they would have hope for a better life. Or atleast envy. The one who knowingly suffers the least and is still not happy, who can they envy? Then what hope is there?

To be knowledgeable and happy, is it possible?

For me to hate lives that are based on fantasy is as irrational as a hatred of hope. What gives each of us hope is different.

My hopes are ridiculous. I hope to make the world a better place and live in a hut and be surrounded in natural beauty and love people and be loved unconditionally, and create things and play with animals.

And no one is telling me how to get there. "

Whala! Significant introspection. In the last paragraph I summed up everything that's important to me. It's what I've always known and who I'll always be. And almost even more important is that I told myself why I haven't been working toward the life I want. It's because "No one is doing it, it must be ridiculous, and I don't know how."

Things are changing. And I think I may be headed down the right path this time. I'm thinking about doing a 7 week internship at an organic farm in Thailand. And then seeing where that takes me. my heart fills with hope at these new possibilities. :)

Korea through new eyes

It was really fun to have my parents here for a week. I was so blessed that they could and wanted to come. It was really neat to experience things in Korea as if everything was new again. To be able to experience the aw and wonder of a new country through fresh eyes.


One thing I did a little reflecting on is the fact that Koreans are a pretty unhappy people. Their suicide rate is the highest in the world. Korea is a wealthy country that is over worked for their pay. And the more money a country has, the more it needs to be happy. At home you have the same kind of drive to be rich; its the "American Dream." Yet I know lots of people, including myself, who want to live their lives differently. People who search for more meaning in life, who avoid materialistic desires, who think outside the box, are eccentric.... In Korea as far as I can tell this way of thinking and living really doesn't exist. I hope the next big development in Korea is a Hippie Revolution. I'd sign another contract for that, for sure.

more reflections to come later...

a small thank you

I have been really blessed my whole life with the friendships I've encountered. In all chapters of my life I have made friends that I feel incredibly close with. The kind of closeness that is undying that does not fade with distance or time but grows. Despite the monotony of everyday life or the rapid changes, we retain the same character in our core regardless of the amount of time that passes. This has constantly proven to be true in my life.


To Nicole, Allie and Megs thank you soo much for your letters. You should have seen the smile on my face at school this afternoon when I received it. I am soo blessed to have such loving, caring and fun friends. So many memories with you guys! So glad to hear about your lives and I promise I will keep in touch!

To all my family and all my other close friends, thank you so so so much for your gifts, thoughts, messages, prayers, and everything else. You are truly making this experience more meaningful with your interest and support. I've felt so much love these 6 months from all of you! I couldn't be here today if I didn't come from such a wonderful place with beautiful people....

Philippines

Amy and I took a trip to Philippines for Christmas. When we were there I got to talk to some children who lived on the tourist island we were staying. Almost all Philippinos speak perfect english, even though it is their second language. These kids were really sweet and friendly. They were walking around asking for money. Playing with them for over an hour in the sand was life changing for me and something I'll always remember (despite having a few drinks before hand).


I felt extremely calm and happy when they first came up to me. I think this is influence of being a teacher for the last 6 months. Before when I would see children I would sometimes think, "oh how sweet", or "oh my, i never want one of those." But teaching has transformed me. Now when I see any child I have this urge to talk to them or help them. I sometimes wonder what their parents think when they see this strange woman waving and smiling at their kid. But then I usually get a big wave and smile back and I stop worrying. The confidence I've gained as a teacher helped me to reach out to these Philippino children regardless of cultural differences. I knew there were tourists staring, watching us play on the beach apprehensively. But I didn't care what they thought, I knew I was doing the right thing. There was nothing that I would have rather spent my night doing than playing with these kids.

Sometimes its uncomfortable talking to people of a different race or socioeceonomic background. The differences make people self conscious and if one person is poor, the rich person automatically feel some kind of guilt and shuts down. Laying on the white sand beach of Boracay getting a massage and a manicure at the same time (for less than $10 total) I realized I was a rich person. I wonder why I was born into a well off family living in the richest country in the world. What are the chances that I was born rich instead of poor? And why do I get to be so privileged when many other people suffer? Although I can't answer this question I can seize every opportunity to love all people of this world. I wont let the guilt of being born rich or the endless evils of the world hold me back. The kids that I played with hardly looked like they were suffering. They didn't seem to be starving in any way, and they can run very fast. They live simple lives with their families in small huts with no electricity. But they are full of joy and wonder just like any child from any country.

When I did see a family that was actually starving, I did panic and shut down. I could see no joy in these two woman or their numerous young children of any kind. All I could see was need. They were so skinny, so dark, so ignored. It was extremely sad and scary. I wanted to sit down and ask them what happened to them. To hear their stories of why they are so absolutely poor. I wanted to ask them why, but I didn't. I walked by them numerous times, gaining the confidence to bend over and give them some money only twice. If I could go back, I'm not sure what I would have done differently. I wanted to take their picture too. Maybe I should have asked if it was okay. That would have started a conversation (if they spoke english) and got the people around to stop ignoring them. And if I did have a picture to show the people of my world maybe it would be a great thing. Everything starts with awareness.

The sketch up there is of the kids we were playing with. I drew it yesterday from a photo. Could you imagine how powerful it would have been if it was a portrait of the starving family?